Day 38 - Harsh Realities

Its all about the hard yards. I'm finding out that day by day, the challenge of travelling from fat to fit is more about the willpower, resilience and the ability to go the distance, than it is about much else.

Going The Distance

The ability to go the distance is pretty important. The way I see it, you need to be in it for the 'long haul' if you want to achieve more than just a temporary fix. You gotta put in 100% everyday, with consistency (of course), but more than that. You have to be prepared to sacrifice a few things, or take on new burdens, to take a few hits on the way. The pathway to success is not smooth. I'd say, I've always said that:

"You have to fully appreciate the rough in life to get the most out of the smooth."

This is one of those occasions. After my glutard-slip the other morning, which after 37 days is pretty good (although going back to day 1 bowel/intestine cleansing sucks, but is required), kinda bites just a touch. I've got a lovely array of mouth ulcers, a swollen gut, achy joints and I'm feeling really irritable and tired to boot. These are my "immediate" impact symptoms of eating just the tiniest amount of gluten. I'm paying for my flawed eating choice, and I'm learning too. It's hard coping with this, but it is a necessity. I am far from perfect, and I'm not too proud to admit when I make blunders such as this. This blog holds me accountable, which is nice, but really truthfully when I'm led in my bed tonight (and last night) groaning with stomach pains, the accountable doesn't come into it at that point. Whats going on there is an internal dilemma. I'm fighting the pain, with knowledge, knowing that I can and must go longer than 37 days, that I must fight the pains and cramps. You see, you don't stop until you hear the bell ring. 

The Old Glutard-Slip-The Jab!

"It ain't over, 'til its over."

Today, was hard for me. I couldn't concentrate, my body was sore (and not from training) and yet life goes on...and so do I. Tough Titties! Cry me a river...blah blah blah. When you know you messed up and that you need to re-hash the plan to prevent it happening again, do just that...don't dwell or get cranky - just fix it, move on and shut the heck up! 

So, thats what I did; I talked to the 'peeps in power' today, organised (hopefully) better glutard-friendly food, trained my tired mind in the classroom, achy muscles in the gym and more over I forced myself to run in the very cool and drizzly night air, alone! I pushed through all the crap going on and decided to fight, not frown.

I'm telling you this, because you might be giving up smoking, or have to quit sugar, or have some special reason to go against the grain in your life.. You might feel like giving up, reverting back to your former less strict self, or just falling off the wagon...worse still, you might just be crying about all the wrongs you've been dealt..... DON'T YOU EFFING DARE! 

Just don't, okay? Keep your chin up, it happens to the best of us, but the difference between someone who wins and someone who quits is very slight:

Isn't that right, Mr Mouldie

You are NOT made of glass and you WILL not crack, shatter or splinter.... Every slip is a new opportunity to learn something, to put new measures in place to prevent it. As an engineer, I know its part of the process - making mistakes is ok, just don't make the same one over and over and over! Learn, move forwards, take the hits and be proud of your resilience to all the BS. Tough talk, but its needed.

So, how do I prevent this happening to me again? Well, firstly a few 'safe guards' are now in place at work. I have also invoked the help of others to pull me through, so hopefully one less failure point and some extra support. But I know, life is a minefield and occasionally you might just set another one off...oh well, learn from it.

Now, I want to win, I want to prove to myself (and all those neigh sayers) that I can achieve this lifestyle change. I will not give up.

Arms & Abs

This morning's workout was powerful, hard work session of arms (biceps and triceps) and abdominals. I used the whole 60 minutes for arms, plus an extra 15 for abs. I was almost late for class. I think even though I was training hard, I felt the pain early on - my stomach was sore and my joints ached...Being swollen makes you feel nauseous, but I pushed through and blasted some 'ripper' burps and farts as I did!

The whole workout, and time sat in class today, I was planning my punishment session for this evening....

Run-Time 

Not the cool run-time you stick to when diving deep and technical, run time...the times when you go running and don't enjoy it! Tonight's punishment - run at least 10km outside of Cerberus. Run in the cold and dark and drizzle. Pretend to enjoy it, be you know I didn't. It worked, I pushed through did almost 11km in 60 minutes and really went through it all. The elation of finishing, the procrastination pre-starting...Mr Joe and Edd both can attest to my tardiness in getting started! I felt the aches of running with soreness, the wind (and moist farts that always make you worry) the burps and puke-feeling you get when you train through indigestion or stomach cramps. My knees hurt, my feet were sore....every excuse my body and brain tried to get me to turn around, I ignored. I pushed through....Just Frickin' Do It... (I'm starting to hate this phrase, but it seems to work). The dim lit streets around Crib with all that wild, unkept foliage and trees was the real test...I can't remember how many times I got whipped by a tree, bush or shrubbery! My brain said: "NO, Gaffa, NO!" but I chose to GO GO GO!!!

How I felt after 11km Running, tonight.

I can remember the surge of joy, then pain, then followed sleepiness. I felt so tired on return to my cabin...I dozed there and then....lost about 20 minutes, sitting in a chair - hadn't even removed my shoes. After, I took a long, warm shower and feebly stretched, groaned and burped some more pukey burps...

 I still feel a bit wasted, but I do know this: I made positive changes today - I stepped forward after taking some hits. I pushed through a range of emotions, justifications and 'reasons not to'...I passed my own test, now it's time to rest.